So much of what I gravitate towards is dark or taboo or intense, that it’s easy to forget that sex can be funny and ridiculous and completely unexpected. Because of that, I don’t write stories that make me laugh nearly often enough.
This story, “Packing Light” is one of those fun bits of silliness that I wrote completely by accident. The notion of a small man in a suitcase would never have occurred to me if it hadn’t been for Exhibit A‘s excellent prompt last week, and though I wrote a very different story for that impromptu competition, this one kept tugging at my sleeve. So here it is – “Packing Light.” A bit of silliness for a Monday morning. Enjoy..
“PACKING LIGHT“ by Malin James
“You’re not Bob.”
Leonora blinked. There was a very small man in her suitcase, and she was fairly certain he wasn’t hers.
“Sorry lady, but who the hell are you?”
Leonora cleared her throat.
“I’m Leonora. Who the hell are you?”
“Rumpelstiltskin,” he replied.
The very small man stuck out his hand. Leonora shook it, reflexively.
“Wait. Bullshit,” she said. Then she covered her mouth with her hands.
Leonora didn’t like to swear. The very small man grinned and climbed out of the suitcase, landing lightly on her hardwood floor.
“Okay, you got me. My name’s Nate. Where’s Bob?”
Leonora shook her head.
“I don’t know a Bob.”
Nate looked at her. His eyes were sharp and appraising. Suddenly, Leonora knew that she couldn’t lie to him if she tried.
“We are in L.A. though, right,” Nate asked, still holding her gaze.
Leonora shook her head. For the first time since she’d opened the suitcase, he began to look concerned.
“Where the hell are we, then?”
“Denver, Colorado? What the fuck am I doing in Denver, Colorado?”
“How should I know?” Leonora shrugged. “Why were you in my suitcase? I wasn’t going to L.A.”
Nate gave her a look and began to pace. “I wasn’t in your suitcase. I was in my suitcase.”
Leonora sat down. She was getting a headache. She must’ve picked up the wrong bag.
“Okay, fine” she said. “Why were you in your suitcase?”
Nate stopped pacing, and looked at her as if she were simple.
“If you were three and a half feet tall, would you pay full price for a seat on the plane, or would you take a shitload of sedatives, pack yourself in a suitcase and have your buddy check you in at the airport?”
Leonora rubbed her temples absently.
“I would buy a seat in the cabin.”
Nate gave her a look.
“Sure, babe. Pretend you’re a little person and then we’ll talk.”
“Isn’t “dwarf” the correct term? I thought “little person” was insulting.”
Nate rolled his eyes “What the fuck ever. I need to get to L.A. Do you have any
Leonora shook her head.
“Valium? Seconal? Phenobarbital?”
“No. Nope. Sorry.”
“Well, shit,” Nate said, exasperated. “What the hell do you have?”
Leonora thought for a second.
“I think I have some Benedryl…it might have expired though. How long does it last?”
Nate shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll do without.” He started to climb back in the case.
“Wait,” Leonora said. “What are you doing?”
“I’m re-packing myself, so you can send me to L.A.”
Leonora looked at him. Suddenly, she was fed up.
“I just got off an eight hour flight that should only have lasted three. I’m tired. I’m cranky. And I don’t feel like going to work tomorrow because I just spent a week alone in Cancun without my boyfriend—who is now my ex, by the way—because he broke up with me the night before we were supposed to leave. I thought he was going to propose, so all my coworkers think there’s going to be a ring on this hand…”
Leonora shoved her ringless finger in Nate’s face.
“…but there ISN’T. And now you want me to haul you and your suitcase back to the airport in a blizzard so you can go to L.A.? No. I’m not going to. No. Not unless you can find my suitcase with my migraine medicine in it and make Ben stop being a jerk…Ben is my ex. And he’s a jerk.”
Leonora started to cry. Nate watched, mildly horrified, before pulling a handkerchief out of the side pocket of his suitcase. Then he jumped down and went to her side. Leonora took the handkerchief and dabbed her eyes. It smelled really good.
“Leonora. Sorry. You’re right. It wasn’t fair of me. It’s not your fault that I ended up in Denver.”
“No. It’s not.”
Leonora blew her nose loudly. Nate winced, but carried on. “Is there anything I can do?”
“I doubt it…” she sniffed, pathetically.
“Well…” Nate said, studying her. Under the red face and rumpled misery, Leonora was a pretty sexy girl, in a sweet and wholesome kind of way. “There is one thing I can do.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
She bit her lip and looked at him. Something in his eyes, which were golden brown, make her stomach flip.
“Lie back, just a bit.”
Not quite believing what she was doing, Leonora did. Slowly, as if asking permission, Nate pulled down the ratty yoga pants that she’d traveled in. Then he parted her legs and, leaving her underwear on, licked gently up the inside of her thigh. Leonora jumped.
“Oh my god!”
Nate stopped, and looked at her.
“Is the okay?”
Leonora looked down at him. Her hazel eyes were drowsy and bright.
“Yes. Yes. Don’t stop.”
Smiling just a bit smugly, Nate went back to work, licking and nuzzling her thighs. When he drew down her cotton panties, they were damp. Surprising herself, Leonora raised her hips to make it easier for him to get them off. Ben had never liked going down on her, so this was a new experience—one she had a feeling she was going to like.
Headache forgotten, Leonora settled back, flushing and gasping as Pete ran the tip of his tongue up and down the length of her slit….
“Oh, my god….”
This time, Nate didn’t ask if he should stop.
It was right about then that Leonora lost track of time. Nate suckled and tongued her, teased her clit and the sweet, sensitive lips of her cunt, (and even the rim of her other hole, much to her shock and pleasure), for close to an hour before he brought her slowly up through layers of pleasure to the very edge of an orgasm. When she finally did come, Leonora shrieked and shuddered through a climax that out-climaxed every pale, starving little orgasm she’d ever had with Ben.
Hoarse and exhausted, Leonora’s legs flopped open as a very smug Nate finally surfaced from between her lovely, sun-kissed thighs.
Leonora watched Nate happily rub his jaw. He was smiling. In fact, he looked almost as satisfied as she felt.
“Yes, actually. I feel much better….”
They looked at each other for a moment. It was an awkward look. Awkward, but also shy and kind of warm.
“So,” Leonora said, not moving. Her bones felt soft and sleepy—she didn’t want to wake them up.
“When do you have to be in L.A?”
Nate ran a hand through his mussed up hair. It was kind of a sexy blonde, Leonora thought. Sort of gold and brown, like his eyes, which were also very nice.
“Yeah, uh, you know…. Not for a couple days, really.”
“Would you, um. Would you like to spend the night here? I could send you express tomorrow. If you like…?”
Leonora held her breath, amazed at the butterflies trying to flutter past her throat. But then Nate smiled, and the butterflies disappeared.
“Yeah. I could do that,” he said.
“Okay,” said Leonora.
“Okay,” said Nate.
Then he climbed up onto the couch with her, ignoring the open case.