Talking Dirty

Bath TelephoneRecently, a good friend reminded me of just how much I love talking dirty – not so much the “I wanna fuck you, baby” sort of dirty talk that you get in a lot of porn, (no disrespect. It just doesn’t do it for me), but rather the really creative, eloquent filth that says more than just, I wanna fuck you; it tells you exactly how and when and where. Museum? Hotel? Shower? Tell me. Alone? In public? Tell me. The devil’s in the details, my friends.

So, I was thinking about what a pleasure it is to turn someone on, and to be turned on, by the use of clever filth. This brought me to thinking about words in general, and how certain words pack an erotic punch while others don’t. There’s a reason you see “cock” much more often than “penis”, and “cunt” much more than “vagina” in erotica. While there’s nothing wrong with “penis” and “vagina”, the images they inspire are a bit more clinical, whereas “cunt” and “cock” imply the full spectrum of recreational uses those body parts can be put to. Which leads me to my point.. or rather, to one of them. Words used well can be almost as sexy as hands on your skin. There is no substitute for physical contact, but words can heighten the intensity of an inevitable fuck, (and I do mean “fuck” and not intercourse). That anticipation is delicious in and of itself.

This leads me to a second point, one that I hadn’t considered before. People who read and write erotica, (myself included), engage in a form of very public dirty talk. After all, talking dirty is what erotica really is – the stringing together of words with the express purpose of turning someone, (in this case, the reader), on. When I work on a story, no matter how emotionally nuanced, everything I write, every word, is designed to build sexual tension, so that when the story reaches it’s climax you’ll want to as well. I want to push those sexy, oh-god, buttons, so it’s a wonderfully satisfying when a reader tells me that a story was hot. If it happens to inspire other emotions as well, then so much the better.

So, thank you to my friend, for reminding me of how sexy and amazing dirty talk is. A nimble tongue and a filthy mind are a terrible thing to waste.. 😉 xxM

49 comments

  1. Malin, you are fust jucking* great. Catharsis is your middle name.
    I’ll lick every word from your pen, skin to paper,
    write on write on.
    The unbearable hotness of reading, you!

  2. I couldn’t agree more with all of this. The words, to me, are vital. And even if there was no dirty talk going on, it would be going on in my head. I’d say that’s what turns me on more than anything else. And I also love your interpretation of erotica as public dirty talk. I think that’s why I started writing it in the first place. There’s an eroticism to sexual expression that can’t be beat. It’s almost…indulgent, saying it out loud or on paper. It’s also reflective of a certain self-awareness, which I’m always drawn to. And more than that, it’s like a doorway into the mind of the person involved, and the mind is where the most erotic aspects of sex live—at least for me.

    1. Yes, yes, yes! I couldn’t agree more. Words access the mind in every aspect of our lives, so the fact that the same is true sexually just rings true. I also think that, the more self-aware you are, the more you can enjoy that kind of eroticism as a sort of compliment to other aspects of your life and sexuality. Plus, it’s really just fun to push the buttons and have yours pushed in return 🙂

  3. Thank you for this. As a sometime-writer of erotica (or of erotic writing), and a constant writer about sex and the erotic, you do a great job of describing dirty talk and its pleasures, and bring me face-to-face with an irony with which I struggle constantly: though I’m a writer, and I spend a ton of time thinking and writing about sex, I find talking/writing dirty singly challenging. I’d much rather retreat to the meta, talk about HOW sex is hot, WHY it’s hot, than show THAT it is hot with my words. And interestingly (at least to me), all that meta? Is hotter than any erotica.

    1. I love this comment and the way you’ve explained it. And I identify with it so, so much. My instinct is also to go to the meta. Always. And I struggle with it because as a writer I’m told I should be “showing,” not “telling,” but it just doesn’t work that way for me. Not with erotica. The meta is always what affects me, and it’s what I care about.

      This really has me thinking about how show vs. tell might be different in erotica, now. Hmm…I’m definitely going to give this some thought, because it could have great implications for me.

      1. Do you know, I hadn’t even thought about how the meta of talking dirty might effect the show vs. tell of writing… that’s really interesting. The regular rules *might* be slightly different for erotica. I need to give that some thought too. Thanks for bringing that up, kwswblog – seriously. That’s some meaty food for thought, and could potentially effect my writing too.

        1. If you come to any conclusions about it or develop some insight, do let me know (if you don’t post about it, that is). I’m completely fascinated by this idea and would love to hear any thoughts. And I’ll do likewise, of course.

          1. It’s a really engaging question. I’ll probably end up writing a post about it at some point, mostly as a way to try to develop some insight on it! I’ll let you know when and if I do, and I would definitely be interested in hearing your thoughts in return. Thanks again kwswblog 🙂

  4. I’m not sure if my previous comment got through or not (I hate the WP login demand). Anyway, here’s what I tried to say:

    As a writer about, and of, sex, it’s an irony with which I struggle that what’s hottest for me isn’t sex put into words, but the meta of sex – it’s atmosphere, dynamics, reasons, impacts. Simple (or not simple – elaborate, even beautiful) descriptions of fucking do nothing for me, leave me cold. But if you capture the sensation between the ears that accompanies a good fucking? Or communicate in words the very feelings of sex? Now that’s hot.

    1. Both comments got through beautifully – and thank you so much for posting them. I couldn’t agree with you more about the meta of sex. The atmosphere, dynamics, reasons and emotions are really at the core of what’s sexy about sex, and by extension, what I want to hear in dirty talk. It all comes down to what going on between the ears, as you so accurately put it.

      I also understand the irony you referred to. What many people think of as talking dirty – the “I wanna do X,Y or Z to you” actually leaves me pretty cold. I think that’s really why I wanted to write this post. The meta that you’re referring to is, I think, what makes for good dirty talk. It’s also what makes erotica and erotic writing work for me – if it isn’t there, I might as well be reading the back of a cereal box. But if it is, well, that’s a whole different story..

      These are are really wonderful comments, by the way. Thank you so much for sharing them!

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