A Question: On Women and Homoeroticism

two men kissingI originally posted this question on my other self’s blog, but I thought it would do to re-post it here given the nature of the subject… Thoughts and opinions are more than welcome. My only request is that you be respectful, partcularly as this has to do, explicitly, with something that turns people on. xx. M

This is really more of a question than a proper post, but I’ve had an idea for an article and I want to solicit some opinions before I write it.

A friend posted a video of two men kissing the other day and the response from women was, shall we say, heated… as in, every single woman who responded thought it was hot. Granted, there was some selection bias, but it was enough to get me thinking. So I did some shallow digging and uncovered a comparatively large cache of media, mostly written, though there’s plenty of visual too, (cheeky little gifs), that cater to women who love watching homoerotic situations and / or gay sex. The fact that M/M erotica and porn do very well with the female demographic, (and not just in the gay community), tells me there’s something there. What I’d love to do is figure out what that something might be.

From a personal angle, I can absolutely see the appeal of watching / reading about two men, (just as many men find the idea of two women to be a fine thing) but I’d like to go beyond “yeah, that’s hot” to figure out why. So, I’m soliciting opinions and thoughts on the subject.

A few guidelines first though:

1. If the thought of two men engaging in sexual contact isn’t your thing, that’s absolutely fine. I know that there are plenty of men and women who would prefer to take a pass. That said, please don’t blast the notion in your comments, because the reality is that there are many people who would take seconds on that dish. Please respect the fact that it’s a personal preference and do not treat the question as an attack on your own predilections.

2. As I mentioned above, I’m keeping the inquiry pretty restricted to women viewing / reading about two (or more) men. If, however, there’s an angle that involves the converse appeal for many men in watching two women, please feel free to mention it.

3. Be respectful. This question involves sex, homoeroticism and certain aspects of voyeurism. As such, some folks may find it uncomfortable. Again, that’s ok. Just be sensitive to the tastes of others. In short, see #1.

Thanks! I appreciate the time anyone takes to weigh in!


  1. You might want to look into yaoi manga—the terms “BL” and “shounen-ai” may also be helpful—if you haven’t already. It’s a genre of Japanese animation that involves two boys together, catering to women, and it’s very popular both in Japan and outside of Japan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaoi

    As someone who has been into the idea of two boys together for a very long time, being in particular a fan of yaoi manga and engaged in conversations about it, I’ve heard my fair share of reasons why women like it. I can tell you that there are a lot of fascinating reasons, and everyone’s different. I’ll tell you about my main two reasons:

    1. I enjoy same-sex relationships because they don’t place roles on specific people by default. I.e., in f/m relationships, you expect the woman to be in the submissive role and the man to be in the dominant one. And even if she’s not submissive, she’s still likely to be the receiving partner in sex. This leaves me feeling a) uncomfortable, because it’s often unclear whether they choose that dynamic, and b) unable to relate to either character sexually. I find it much easier to relate to characters in same sex relationships for this reason.
    2. I’m attracted to a certain sort of guy that I don’t see very much outside of yaoi manga. Namely, androgynous, submissive, and cute. It’s that simple. My type just does not appear in male/female stories. In gay porn, then, I’m more likely to be turned on than in straight porn, because it features a man in the receiving position. It’s not that I imagine myself in the dominant’s position, even—it’s just that there’s a sexual energy there that I enjoy. It engages me in a way that m/f does not.

    I wouldn’t say those are my only two reasons, but they’re the most important. They’re most relevant to yaoi manga in particular, but they do apply to gay porn as well. For me, enjoying yaoi led me to gay porn.

    I hope they help you in some way! And I hope you get more responses, because there truly is a large pool of very interesting reasons for this.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate it, particularly as you brought up aspects of the question that I hadn’t even considered. I’m embarrassed to admit that I had never heard of yaoi manga until you mentioned it, (thank you for the link, btw), but it sounds very much like a facet of the larger question, particularly as gender role subversion is inherent in m/m porn and erotica and so, by extrapolation, could easily be seen as a factor in women’s enjoyment of homoeroticism. It’s an aspect that I definitely want to follow up on. As for androgyny (which I love in men and women), that’s a fascinating subject in and of itself. Even if no one else comments on the subject, you’re considered response has given me a lot to work with :).

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